so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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