why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
