Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize