everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
