Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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