Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
