Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
