At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
