people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
