He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
