she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
