i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
