Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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