THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He better not be in your backpack
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
