I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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