Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
handjob tips. give me some.
high people should be assigned attendants
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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