gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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