I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
