I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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