If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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