You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
