its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
