so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Randomize
