i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Bring me that man meat
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
