zippers are such a cool invention
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
