i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
