he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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