The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
