I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
