He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize