ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
