I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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