My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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