96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
