just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
