Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize