its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
foreskin is a definite game changer
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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