You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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