You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
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My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
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Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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