Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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