her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
birth control should be required to get into college
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
