dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
