dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
