if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
time to smoke my breakfast
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
