if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
