Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
