I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
