Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
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Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
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I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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