I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
