My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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