Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
