Can i not drive my cunt home
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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