She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Church boner. Awkwardddd
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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