I cannot find my penis.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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