I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.