I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
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and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
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We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
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True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!