Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.