come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
