i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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