Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I need a burrito and a hug.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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