My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wish you could order shots online.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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