Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
