I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
