Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
