i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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