I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
