5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize