What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
