i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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