i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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