i just sent this text using only my big toe
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
