i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
this boner is exhausting
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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