I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
