Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
