I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
