Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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