my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
