If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My cat gives me a boner
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
