playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
