When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
