we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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